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[Off-Topic] Points to ponder

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#1
Posted on 2014-08-31 08:15:01 | Show thread starter's posts only

What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?

What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Do witches run spell checkers?

Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?

When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?

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#2
Posted on 2014-08-31 08:23:47 | Show thread starter's posts only

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?  They're going to see you naked anyway..

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?  They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?  Why did you just try singing the two songs ?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE.......
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

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#3
Posted on 2014-08-31 12:05:28 | Show thread starter's posts only

George Carlin lives again.

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#4
Posted on 2014-09-02 08:18:10 | Show thread starter's posts only

why am I here??  

-Ele

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#5
Posted on 2014-09-02 10:54:04 | Show thread starter's posts only

Goofy was originally supposed to be a cow. Just sayin'

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#6
Posted on 2014-09-02 19:38:54 | Show thread starter's posts only

How come you can make um snowballs in summertime?

Well, you see Hiawatha, it's cold to make'em in the winter

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#7
Posted on 2014-09-03 12:32:13 | Show thread starter's posts only

Why does the Chinese version have Christmas themed updates and we never seen them?
or why do they make them at all, Chinese people as a nation don't celebrate Christmas right?

how do asain type pw with @ and so on :P?

why do people think all brits live in london when they ask where are you from?

the difference between Alice in wonderland the films and the game confuses me

will children ever stumble across the original version of certain Disney books and cry when they read it

what hot food do Japanese people eat?

why is phone spelt with "ph"

why is that fruit that smells bad but's edible still being sold?

why do we find enjoyment watching people hurting or scaring themselves  on tv  

why is a apple mouse made difficult to handle

why is it when you put earphones in people decide they want to come over and chat to you?

who thought a movie called sex tape was a good idea when people come to you and ask for a ticket to see it .

why do people answer yes when you've asked two questions?

when people find out you did an IT course they expect you to fix everything for free ?

why is a little girl whit long hair and a white dress more creepy than a 6ft psycho with a mask and machete?

and where exactly is the rum eh?

[ Last edited by Brett1990 at 2014-9-3 17:33 ]

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#8
Posted on 2014-09-30 07:19:23 | Show thread starter's posts only

2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement =  1 bananosecond

Weight an evangelist carries  with God = 1 billigram

Time it takes to sail 220  yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod  Serling

Half of a large intestine = 1  semicolon

1,000,000 aches = 1  megahurtz

Basic unit of laryngitis = 1  hoarsepower

Shortest distance between two  jokes = A straight line

453.6 graham crackers = 1  pound cake

1 million- microphones = 1  megaphone

2 million bicycles = 2  megacycles

365.25 days = 1  unicycle

2000 mockingbirds = 2  kilomockingbirds

52 cards = 1  decacards

1 kilogram of falling figs =  1 Fig Newton

1000 milliliters of wet socks  = 1 literhosen

1 millionth of a fish = 1  microfiche

1 trillion pins = 1  terrapin

10 rations = 1  decoration

100 rations = 1  C-ration

2 monograms = 1  diagram

4 nickels = 2  paradigms

2.4 statute miles of  intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV  League

AND.......100 Senators = Not 1  decision

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#9
Posted on 2014-09-30 15:35:25 | Show thread starter's posts only

Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche was a German philologist, philosopher, cultural critic, poet and composer.

He was also insane and thus I question only this .

What is sane ?

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#10
Posted on 2014-09-30 18:46:25 | Show thread starter's posts only

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

Is there another word for synonym?

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?

If convenience stores are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, what happens?

Why are there flotation devices under airline seats instead of parachutes?

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Why is it that when you transport something by car it's called a shipment, but when you transport it by ship, it's called cargo?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why don't sheep shrink in the rain?

What does Geronimo scream when he jumps out of a plane?

If God sneezed, what would you say to him?

Why are there five syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why is the word "abbreviation" so long?

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Do fish get cramps after eating?

When two airplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss and not a near hit?

How is it possible to have a civil war?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms?  Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

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Formerly known as HHSDAD